November 19th: And then there is death, to remind us that most things are trivial and to remind us of what is really important. It's hard to fathom elation when all you feel is rage and sickness, but beyond this world, what survives is just love and wisdom and the good, right?

Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not.

November 25th: My grandfather and his brother are two of the most respectable, decent, hardworking men I've ever met or encountered. I measure everyone else up against them, so of course it's hard to believe chivalry and integrity exist in my generation at all. My family was essentially a dual patriarchy led by them. The most important pillars: family, service, history, and doing the right thing. It's hard to imagine moving forward without my uncle, but when you witness 900 people waiting in line at church to pay their last respects, you realize that you're lucky to have known him and even luckier to call him a relative. I wish I could put the rest of my family in a one place so no one can ever get hurt again, but that isn't living. It's about how you treat other people in the end and the example you set for your siblings, children, and grandchildren. If I have a fraction of the character they have, I'll consider myself blessed with their genes. If I marry someone of their caliber, it will be because I know what I need to find. We don't understand why this happened, but we know we can live a good life if it's based on his....

As Long As We All Shall Live

Dear future married people:

Do not get married to someone who doesn't think college is a good idea for your children if you think that it is. Don't marry someone who spends money in an entirely different way than you. If you hoard money, don't marry someone who buys 4-wheelers, game consoles, and pool toys every day. If you blow money like a rock star in Vegas, don't marry your responsible financial advisor even if she's cute. You will not change and you cannot change anyone else. Don't divorce a guy who won't pay for your kids unless ordered by the court. Don't get married if you can't get divorced civilly.

Don't get divorced if you will need to go through your oldest child to talk to your former beloved. Believe me. My cynicism and skepticism is not inherent. It was acquired being the peacemaker between my divorced parents and feeling responsible for two younger siblings since the ripe age of SEVEN. I'm beginning to think the battle will NEVER end! Divorce only means you don't have to live together anymore. Now you get to argue through courts and lawyers and your blindsided spawn forever! Til death do you part is for real, even if you legally relinquish your tax cuts and remove yourself from your joint checking account. You can never escape a PROMISE!!! Also it sucks for your kids and if you do get divorced, please know that we do not care how much child support you pay and when you cut it off as long as we have what we want! We also don't care to know why our other parent (50% of our genetic being) sucks. It makes us resent you. We don't want to know why you got divorced either. We prefer to think you're irresponsible, abnormal, and crazy, and we hope to have learned from your mistakes. Before you say "I do," remember the worst fights you've ever had and realize that those fights could become your everyday life someday. If you think about having children, remember that they will be one HALF of your spouse forever. Make sure you love that person unconditionally and promise to always be an adult around your kids even when you get divorced. I mean if!! True love is forever and I'm sure you'll all find your soulmate cosmic heartthrob and you will live happily ever after, but PLEASE do NOT get married if you MIGHT get divorced.

Thank you for your attention!

-16 Years of Annoyed

Blogroll:
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/
http://www.postcardsfromyomomma.com/
http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/
http://www.overheardintheoffice.com/
http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/
http://fnerk.com/yousuckatcraigslist/

I Love You, I Love You Not

Today was one of those days where I hate routine and I hate NY and I hate my desk and my life choices. I'm going to start keeping track of days I love NY and days I hate NY and in March, whichever is higher will determine whether I stay or go. Nothing triggered the resentment today, but I woke up freezing because my heater doesn't work. Then the path train took forever and also it's Monday. Now I feel really nauseous because thoughts that are supposed to be chained down resurfaced. I swear it's because of the season, but I still wonder if I made a mistake regarding..this guy. I tried to tell myself it was for the best, but I'm still not 110% convinced. I think I just wonder and wondering leads to regret and regret leads to insanity, so I need to find eternal sunshine and keep holding out until I find the disgusting adoration that my grandparents still have 55 years later. I'm serious. I heard my 75 year old grandfather allude to something I will not type. I need to stop measuring potential up against the freakishly less than 5 perfect moments ever. While I'm at it, I should stop talking to another elusive disaster located hundreds of miles away...

Highlights: Today I emailed my high school calculus teacher and told her I have a math job and that I'm sorry for always questioning the use of math in the real world. I'm planning a little reunion with the Rice cousins who my sisters and I haven't seen in 7 years.

Listen to:
Making Out::No Doubt
A Sight to Behold::Eisley
The End::Jason Reeves
Secret Life::Thriving Ivory
Nothing in My Way::Keane
Keeps Gettin' Better::Christina Aguilera
Come On Ger Higher::Matt Nathanson
Cath::Deathcab for Cutie
Pretty much any new commercial on TV right now (Apple, Dior...)

Read:
Distracted::Maggie Jackson
The Irregulars::Jennet Conant
I Was Told There'd Be Cake::Sloane Crosley
History of Love::Nicole Krauss

Watch:
Gossip Girl because it makes Sarah and I feel like our own lives are slightly less dramatic

Go to:
media idea of the day
site of the day

Is a House a Home?

I lived in the same house since I was born and now it's for sale. It's not that I'll miss the house or the stuff in it, but it's weird things that I can't imagine not experiencing. I'll miss the smell when I walk in the door. It's strongest in the kitchen, but I can't explain what it is. It's not a smell that will be anywhere else ever again because it's a combination of everything here. I'll miss coming home for the holidays with my sisters and having all four of us in the house again and running up and down the stairs (usually on all fours). I'll miss walking up the driveway at night and seeing all the stars but being scared to death of the garage. I'll miss the absolute silence except for the ticking of the living room clock and the settling base boards when I'm the last one to go to bed. It's sad that we won't ever play dress up in the office or have pool parties with the tacky owl lights. And we won't discover old toys in the attic since it's all getting sorted and donated. Today I found "The Jetsons Movie" and all of my old barrettes. Clearly I was the most stylish kid in school. Who else would have a barrette that looks like cookies and a spiral noodle? It's not stuff we need anymore, but it brings back memories and there isn't a common base to come back to when this is gone. I'll come home less, because I'll never feel as comfortable anywhere else unless it's my own apartment. The home base won't just be where my mom is, because she will live with her boyfriend and I'm still not a fan even after 10 years. I can't feel comfortable when I'm on edge and he's telling me about the history of the chili pepper. I guess the base will have to be where I am somehow. I don't know if I'll leave NY in the summer and I don't know where I'll end up, but I have to create a comfort zone now. I can't just go home to the country to pull myself together, so I need to be okay without it.

Never a dull moment on the home front. At least the essence of small town PA will still be here, even if I have to stay in Dad's garage now. Today at the dinner table, Pappy said, "That emo boy." What? How does he know what Emo is? Then Aunt Lyn said, "No his name is EMILIO. Not Emo," and all was right with the world again. I started to explain what emo is to them and then just stopped because there's no point. Also, Sarah said she is bringing her bf home next weekend and Dad said, "tell him I have a lot of guns." Then he tried to text her something and didn't know T9 was on because he wasn't wearing glasses. So it said something like "Biggest ten network.Im resenting thatsee I cantext." Then he said, "tell Mike he better hope I shoot as well as I text." Poor Mike. Poor any boy any of us bring home ever to either side of the family. I'm pretty sure home will always be in Nazareth, Wind Gap, Bangor, and Pen Argyl PA. The house won't be ours, but the small towns, platter dining, and hunting culture will still be here. Today I drove past a garage with 3 cases of camoflauge Busch with the logo in bright orange writing. Sometimes they put the Eagles or Steelers logo on beer, and then sometimes they make beer to match the hunting gear in case the beer needs to blend into the woods too...

IDK, IDC

Hi.

I'm kind of mad because I made myself listen to Smashing Pumpkins and Eminem so I could get inspired to paint. But then I had to go to Pilates, so I'm not inspired to paint anymore. I started, but it's now a work in progress which I absolutely hate. Also it's raining out and this very rude couple didn't hold the door for me. I had to dig through my jacket trying to find my nubbin key pass thing and then, omfg, they didn't hold the elevator either. I kicked the door and cursed at them after they ascended. Seriously? Who are you. Here's some spaghetti. You're very egotistical.

Before that I was thinking about how great the drums are in "Toy Soldiers" by Eminem. Whatta tool he is. I was also getting used to working 9-5 and being thankful for my chill, DMB listening boss. I sit next to a guy named Charlay and Steph is hoping he will bite me, so I can say "Charlay bit me" and put myself on youtube. Because where do I see myself in 5 years? On youtube, duh. My target for most of my accounts is C-Suite (CEO, CFO) managers, hedge fund investors, i-bankers, and other cigar smoking rich people. I might advertise on scotch bottles and leather. Talk about out of the box! I'm learning about finance and stocks, an unexpected side effect.

I only spent about $5 this week which is a miracle but it's only because I have negative money. For the record, the $5 was spent on a stupid latte. UGH. My mom never ever answers her phone and its infuriating. A cell phone is supposed to be attached to you like another brain. How can you not have it? Where does it go? I don't get it.

I need food. "I'm so effing hungry. I'm so effing mad!" -Trevor

Bye.

Waste of Space

I'm freezing and I would like to go to a beach.

Sometimes I think I could stay in my field for a long time. I actually have to think for this new job, so I like it more. My brain is stimulated for once. I'm one of 2 media people in the entire company, so I do all brands including new business. Do they know I'm only 23? I'm fairly certain they think I'm three years out of college since it's my third job and maybe they just didn't look at my resume dates. Oh well, I am sure I'll manage. Today I had lunch with BusinessWeek magazine (delicious real Italian) and I also got Knicks box seats for Sunday which is nice. I just like that media is a small world in the city. I need to move around the country to see where I want to end up, but technically, I could get used to this and not get bored. Except this morning a little Asian lady stood way too close to me on the Path and there was a lot of room for her to back off. It scared me. Also it's great getting out at 5, however two extra hours a night is a lot of time. I'm forced to have hobbies and think and go to the gym and talk to people so I don't just watch TV and surf youtube or something (which is what I'm doing right now).

In other unrelated, insignificant news, Taylor Swift is my new Kelly Clarkson. Kelly got me through some tough times and I can relate to almost all of her songs, but Taylor is replacing her which is crazy! Okay that was a stupid sidenote. Now that I have nothing to complain about, I need something really interesting to happen in life. It's weird to just be "happy." I don't know what to do with myself. I really want to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I just got chills when I saw the preview. See? When I'm in a good mood, I don't have passion so I can't write. Maybe I'm better at ranting than I am at writing. I'm too on the surface when I'm calm. Also I am apparently hosting some musicians in my living room for the night. I'm a fan so it's the least I can do. I gotta go because I'm not saying anything anyway....

New York City: Act III, Scene 1

Over the weekend, my medium sister visited. We went to the Top of the Rock and took pictures of the city. I decided the city is still overwhelming even when you can see over it and through it. The idea of Manhattan is "romantic," but the reality is exhausting. Friday night we had dinner in Hoboken at a place called Zack's with some friends and it was so fun. Saturday, Lisa and Colin came from Philly and we all watched the Penn State game (ugh) and then went out in the Village (ugh). I really must learn to appreciate my crazy 20's, but that probably won't happen until I'm 29.

In other news: I now work for an international advertising agency (The Man) with a "Damn the Man" approach, which is interesting to say the least. When I arrived this morning, I went to my high walled cube and found a copy of the books, Death to All Sacred Cows and Fahrenheit 451. The first one was written by management, so that makes sense. Not sure about the other one. I haven't read it, but I should and I know it's an ironic book about censorship and the dystopia born when creative free will is outlawed. Three scenarios are possible. One, the girl that sat there before me forgot it and no one knew what to do with it so they did nothing and left it. Two, it's a cryptic message from my employers to challenge the system, ask questions, and not burn the book they wrote. Or three, it was placed there by the Universe as a clue that I should be an English teacher instead. If it's still there tomorrow, I shall take it home and read it.

I met almost everyone in the agency today... about 20-25 people including the authors of the first book left in my cube. One of the management mavens sits in his office in a little 5th grade school desk chair (the right handed desk is attached to the orange plastic seat). There is nothing else in the room besides him and his laptop and it smells mysteriously like hampster pellets. That could just be hampsters on the mind because of this video on youtube, however I do have an impeccable super human sense of smell. Curious. Very curious. Then I set up my laptop and started sifting through decks and flowcharts to learn about the clients. This is new for me, because I only ever worked on huge mega brands that everyone knows about. Now I'm on a concrete company (that's cement, not "stable"), an investment management firm, and a construction equipment rental company. The targets are all in the C-Suite demo, aka Wall Street ballers, so basically I will be BFF with reps from Forbes and Money Magazine which will be a real trip.

The best part is that I took an hour long lunch and left at 5, which is per usual apparently. There are also some anti-Trevor noms working there, an old school soda machine with free soda, and we use mugs instead of throwing away cups. If my year in corporate hell taught me nothing else, I did learn to feel incredibly guilty for all the trees I killed to leave a paper trail that no one will ever need. I'm feeling zero anxiety today and I'm thinking this was a good move. My resume is very interesting, I'm on level with everyone else I graduated with despite changing companies like I change socks, and I know it's okay to move on whenever I feel unhappy. Life is too short to be stuck in a job that you hate. I don't have to love this, but at least I can be healthy and have more time to do what I really want to do after work (take classes, go to the gym, read, breathe). Honestly, there is always an escape. I will never ever worry about getting a job in any city at any time in advertising because smart businesses advertise through recessions anyway (I learned that today). People always say its hard to get a new job and I don't get it. This is my third job since graduation and it's not just because I'm lucky or because I have ADD or that I'm a bullshit artist. I just know what I don't want and then focus on what I want until I get it. Not that I really know what I want, but I'm just saying. Until I either work up the guts to start my own agency and write a book about it or quit the industry to teach in a small town, I will attempt to sail through the next few months with a little less angst and rage.

P.S. Any book suggestions? I'm going to need reading material.

Sophomore Year in the Real World

I'm turning a page in my blog life and converting to Google's blogspot from Livejournal. I'm no longer 18 years old thankfully, so I feel I need an upgrade. Not to mention Google is taking over the world and I'm jumping on the bandwagon before I'm totally out of the loop. Times New Roman isn't cutting it anymore. I'm a child of the digital revolution and I just need more from my blank pages. I want sidebars and autosaving and videos and audio clips! I mean even Postsecret is on blogspot!

To access my archived material from January 2005 through yesterday 2008...

http://violetwings225.livejournal.com/

I'm vaguely sad about this for some reason. Livejournal was there through my first frat party, waves of different friends and classes, vacations (see May 31, 2006), my first real job, and a year and a half in New York City. It was even there when I apparently didn't write at all in 2007, or at least I didn't write in public. Livejournal was a procrastination device when I couldn't bring myself to care about the history of math. It was a passive aggressive forum for talking about people in code when we were young and dramatic. It got me through the worst job I ever had (even worse than the gas station), and it was good enough to log my life til I saw the greener grass on blogger.com. Looking back, I can sleep at night knowing my life is still ironic (January 30, 2005) and I still use lyrics when I can't find my own words (February 7, 2005). I promise to still be a cynical optimist (October 23, 2008) and I can guarantee I'll continue to be crazy and sarcastic (February 12, 2006). Rest in peace past entries and years. We have a new President, I'm starting a new job on Monday, and it's pouring outside. Here's to my future and may my blogs be vaguely entertaining and thoughtful... or whatever.