On Turning 30 and Other Frights and Delights

It's 11:11pm and in less than an hour, I'll be 30. I don't know - it feels weird. Maybe it's just the martinis I had tonight, but I think it's also just a weird feeling to leave behind my 20's. It was a long-ass decade. Holy man. Thinking back to when I turned 20 and thinking through college, graduation, four years in NYC, another four in San Diego, a few minute relationships and then a really long one, changing majors, career moves, cross-country moves. It's just a lot happened and I don't know if I should mourn or celebrate or both. I guess both.

They say 29 is your best year. I mean NY Mag wrote about it - plus Buzzfeed etc. It wasn't the best year for me to be honest - it was whatever but it feels sad to leave it behind and enter into THIRTY. Eww. Omg. No. What does this mean? I must make lists.

A few quick things I learned in my 20s:
1. Real friends know how to be friends when it's not convenient.
2. It's okay to change your mind about your goals - it's okay to want to travel or be a mom instead of a CMO.
3. Drinking water and not drinking vodka are both seriously necessary if you don't want wrinkles. So is sunscreen.
4. Go to the doctor. But then go get acupuncture and do yoga because drugs are probably not the answer. If you feel like you need medication to get through a work day, it's not the right work day for you.
5. Appreciate the moment because time starts speeding up after 25 and you might not get more time with your loved ones. I know it's heavy but it's important. Don't screw this one up. Prioritize.

Things I'm annoyed about: 
1. I'll never be on a 30 under 30 list. Like this SERIOUSLY bothers me. UGH.
2. I have to have kids soon - like yesterday. And I'm not ready. And I don't know if I ever will be.
3. I thought I'd be married in my 20's - and I really don't know how long this jig of eating cupcakes and doing yoga is going to last for me. I'm not looking forward to cardio and working out so I fit in a stupid dress.
4. My parents were younger than me when they had me. Terrifying.
5. It's no longer cute to be confused, hungover, whimsical, and erratic. I've now transitioned from young and restless to just plain crazy. It's like get it together or check yourself in now.

Things to look forward to in my 30's: 
1. No longer getting accused of being young and stupid, especially at work. Being 30 means you're mature and know stuff. Still a "Millennial" but now mature. This is good.
2. Probably having kids in this decade.WhoawhoaWhoa.
3. Actually having income to travel the world and not sacrificing groceries and paying bills. Kinda cool.
4. It's acceptable to stay in and watch Netflix, host wine and cheese parties, geek out on books with friends, and give advice. It's fun to give advice - and I enjoy telling kids who are about to graduate to seriously forget career and go travel. But really.
5. Botox? Gray hair? Idk what else?

Things I Learned from My Child Self

Things I learned about myself by looking at old journals:

1. On Feb 20, 1993 age "7 in a half" - I noted that this was "not best hand writing" - face it, my handwriting sucks and always has. Time to be honest with myself once and for all.
2. Sometimes wishes come true. Right before my 8th birthday, I said I didn't like my sisters and wished I could make them a lot nicer. Now I like them and they're sometimes a lot nicer.
3. Some fears last forever - I wrote a story in 1st grade about getting eaten by a giant spider and ended with "Spiders all over the universe and that was the end of me." In another story - "The spider saw me and ate me. I was dead." That's freaking deep right there. Also fear of failure, regret, and not living came up a lot.
4. Once a girly girl, always a girly girl. "I like being a girl because you can wear nail polish and cool jackets." It was the early 90's after all.
5. Being left handed sometimes sucks. Report card 1989 "Ellyn's grip is not always correct and she cuts off the line." I was FOUR and those lefty scissors are still the WORST. By the way, I now cut right-handed.
6. I like school, reading, being alone, traveling, and cold weather. I hate school dances.
7. At various points, I wanted to be a doctor, pilot, archeologist, psychologist, writer, artist and politician. But then I majored in film because I wanted to make movies and be all of those things. Now I work in advertising. What the...
8. My New Year's resolution at 17:  perfection
9. Things I want to do in life: write, act, art, teach, lead, write
10. I think I struggle with follow through

"Remember who you are." -Mufasa's Ghost

Found: Bucket List

Goals I set for myself in life 12 years ago before college. I checked off the things I've accomplished...

1. Write for National Geographic
2. Fly over Grand Canyon in glider/ultralight
3. Archaeology
4. Study British Literature - Middle English
5. Learn Latin
6. Go to French theatre
7. Go to play in London 
8. Go to Alaska
9. Windsurfing
10. Surf
11. Write a book and screenplay
12. Direct and produce a film
13. Have a private airplane
14. Skydiving
15. Hot air balloon
16. Study religions through experience
17. Establish a charity
18. Vacation on Mediterranean
19. Have a library

Not listed:
1. Pretty much everything in my current career and life

Current thought:
1. I have a lot of work to do
2. Becoming afraid of heights was not good for my bucket list
3. I may have picked the wrong major

Quote I wrote at 16:
If you don't like where you are and if you are not happy, than either: 1. you are blind to your blessings 2. you neglected to follow a dream and settled for less or 3. you are denying and refusing a crucial lesson

Damn, son 

1. Write Bucket List - Check.