Good in Chair

I didn't realize how uncomfortable I really was at work, in my cube, until I scavenged a chair from someone who left the agency. Hopefully now my hip won't bother me when I walk (as if I'm 85), and my elbow won't be enlarged from the angle in which I lean it against the edge of my desk (turns out you CAN get tennis elbow from sitting idly in a 3-walled cell 45  hours a week.)  

Maybe this chair has weird scratch marks on the arms and crumbs in the seat, but it's better than the slow death I was dying in that other poor excuse for a chair with foam coming out of the seams, and absolutely no support in the glute or back regions. If anyone even thinks about stealing this chair, I will personally find him (definitely a him, since this place is 90% male), blame him, and make him pay. I may also invest in a chain to make sure this never leaves my 4x4 space. Can I expense that?

To emphasize the importance of this moment, imagine that feeling when you've been walking all day long, stressing, running even, and you can't remember the last time you felt this tired. Then you lay down finally to go to bed.... THAT feeling. Like OMG, I may never get up, it's so good, it hurts. That's how my back feels right now. As if I was trapped in a tiny cage with a broken back for the last 23 months and someone finally adjusted my spine with a good crack.

Now all I need is a career doing yoga, art, and meditation on the beach and I'll be fit as a fiddle, right as rain. Meanwhile I am grateful for this chair and the fact that tomorrow is Friday. Apologies for not blogging in months and then writing about a chair... new blog launching soon about LA, NY, being a 20-something, guys, gossip, trends, and other super interesting, funny things! Promise!!

Overheard in the Office

In all seriousness: "I can't find an image of a woman in a prison jumpsuit that would fit in a shopping cart..."

The Golden Coast

As soon as I got to San Diego, I wanted to move there. I was afraid I would be let down, since I expected it to be the best place ever. Turns out it is... the oven that is NYC can't measure up to the 70 degree weather in SoCal. It was more of a vibe though... kind of like the Europe vibe where you just feel more excited about life and never want to go home.

We got there on a Thursday night and the downtown Gaslamp Quarter was a huge party. We stayed in the Keating Hotel, designed by the same company that makes Ferraris and Maseratis. The king size bed was one of the best feathery comfy hotel beds ever. I almost went to bed right away, instead of going out. But then I took a shower... it was open, as in see through, no door, right in the room, and had two shower heads, although this may be uncomfortable if you're not staying with your significant other. Double sinks, state of the art TV and wall radio (the first song on the radio when we turned it on was "California Gurls" by Katy Perry...93.3FM!), ipod dock in the alarm clock, espresso machine, and charger dock. Comfortable robes and slippers provided since the floors are concrete (therefore more sanitary?). Pull out closet, yoga mat, and big windows. They left desserts and spa music on the radio when they turned down the room every night. The first night Shaun, his friend and I went to a place called Tequila for some food and drinks. We were too tired to try the uber trendy club across the street.

On Friday, we got food at Richard Walkers Pancake House (giant apple pancake German thing) then went to Pacific Beach. The guys took a surf lesson and I laid around on the beach. It was great. So sunny, but not too hot. Not crowded, typical California... too cool for Least Coast. Girls still wear trucker hats though. That's so 2006. My sister and her bf arrived that night and

we went to dinner at the place connected to our hotel...nom Italian. Then we tried to go to a rooftop bar called Altitude at the top of the Marriott. But we went to the wrong Marriott and when we finally got to the real Marriott by PETCO Park... the line was long and Shaun said the crowd looked lame. Ha! So snotty! So we went to the lounge at the bottom of our hotel... basement lounge, trying to be hip and exclusive. We got in for free since we were hotel guests, but the drinks were way too expensive even compared to NYC and once again, the crowd was beat, according to Shaun. We danced a little after getting kicked out of the empty VIP section for wanting to sit rather than buy bottles...we made the lounge look cooler by actually sitting in the empty section, but whatever.

Saturday...what the heck did we do Saturday? OH! We piled 6 people into the rental Civic and went to the Hotel del Coronado, National Historic Landmark. I was excited for this because I'm a fan of the movie, Some Like It Hot, with Marilyn Monroe. In the movie, the hotel is known as "FLORIDA!" where she goes to look for millionaires with yachts who wear glasses..."Men who wear glasses are so much more gentle, and sweet, and helpless. Haven't you ever noticed it?..They get those weak eyes from reading - you know, those long tiny little columns in the Wall Street Journal." We mostly hung out at the hotel beach and bar/deck.

That night we pregamed in robes (well, I did) and then went to Quality Social for dinner and drinks. Afterward we finally waited in that dumb line for Altitude. I got a water when we got in...the views were great though, there was a trendy fire pit, and lots of trendy people and we actually got a table in the VIP section and didn't have to buy anything, although Susan sat in a puddle of water and looked like she had dirty pee pants. hahaha

Sunday was the 4th of July and it was cold and cloudy. Susan and Dave went to the zoo, but I was hoping it would get sunny and the rest of us went to La Jolla. As soon as we got out of the car, we got back in. It was just too cold to beach. We shopped at the outlets and got taquitos at Rubio's... the better West Coast Taco Bell apparently. Then we moseyed back to the hotel and went to the Strip Club for dinner. There were old school pin up girls on the wall, but no strippers, just strip steaks for $10 that you grill yourself during happy hour. Kind of amazing even though I don't like steak. I had a $5 martini instead. That night we all piled into the car and went to Shaun's friend's house party in Pacific Beach (PB if you're a local). I was cranky because I missed most of the fireworks waiting around for everyone to get ready. The house was frat-like and there was a sedated pit bull in the corner and people talking about Molly... HOWEVER they had a DJ and he was spinning and mixing and smokin a bong at the same time! They also had a view of the bay from their frat house in the hills with a pool and hot tub. Susan fell asleep on a lawn chair so we went home before the E arrived. Good call!

The 5th was our last morning in San Diego, sad face. We got a rental and Shaun drove us to Santa Barbara. Lots of traffic and I had to take Dramamine from the stop and go, so I fell asleep for a long time. In Santa B, we had dinner with Susan's friend at an Italian Place in the little downtown area. There wasn't much going on near our crappy hotel, so Shaun and I took a walk to the pier and had a drink as pretty much the only people in the restaurant.

Tuesday was a good drive, through the prettiest part of the country I've ever seen. I did the drive up Highway 1 when I was about 12, and I remembered wanting to move to Northern California, Big Sur and Carmel. It's still where I'd like to end up when I'm retired (not much to do job-wise). We stopped and took pictures along the way, attempted to go to Hearst Castle, but the wait was long, so instead we had lunch and hiked down a cliff to the ocean. I didn't think I could do it, especially in a dress but I did and only had a small battle wound from when Susan gave me some "help" getting onto a boulder and boosted a little too much. We had dinner in Carmel and walked around the cottages and beach, then did the 17 mile drive and stalked mansions and seals.

Hours later we got to San Fran. It was more city than I expected, basically like NYC, so I didn't really like it upon arrival. We stayed at the Crescent, a newish boutique hotel. I'm not sure if I wasn't impressed because I came from The Keating... or if it was truly sub-par. The room was clean but small. I really think the building is haunted. Not just because it's really old and refurbished and the hallways are pitch black and creak... I swear I heard someone open the bathroom door when I was in the shower and Shaun woke up in the middle of the night and thought the room was filled with smoke. WTF.

The room was meh, but the staff was bad. If you're in the hospitality industry, I'm fairly certain you're supposed to be hospitable. When I first walked into the lobby, the people at the desk looked at me like I was lost. We asked them to book us a trip to Napa as they said they could via email, and we had to remind them the next day. No one had confirmed. When we still didn't hear from them, we went to the desk. The manager was there alone, and had no idea what we were talking about or how they book tours. I asked if I could call myself and pointed to the brochure on his desk, and he said sure... I gave him a look like, really? You're going to let a guest make their own reservations? So he called while we stood there and waited. Lamesauce. When we walked upstairs (because the elevator was broken), we found that our room hadn't been made up... it was at least 6pm. Isn't that the worst when you expect a fresh made bed? Sheesh! We had to call the desk once again and they sent someone up and made another excuse about being understaffed. Perhaps they could hire some of the unemployed who loaf around on the sidewalks outside their doors?

Wednesday Shaun made me have a gross Irish chicken sandwich for breakfast, because he wanted to watch the World Cup and we didn't know where to go. I had a screwdriver to make up for it and then got cupcakes for everyone. We went to the Ferry Building and Fishermans Wharf and took a boat tour around Alcatraz, but didn't get to go there because it was booked. Shaun and I had dinner at Level III, this fancy hotel restaurant and Zillow'd how much houses cost in Malibu and Carmel (too much). But San Diego is affordable!!

Our last day on the Golden Coast was spent in Napa. We took a bus tour and it was actually hot outside for the first time since we arrived in CA. We went to three wineries. The best was Madonna Estate, second oldest in Napa Valley... we ordered 6 bottles. We'll have to go to lots of BYO places I guess. We also went to Sutter Home. They invented White Zinfandel by accident back in the day. Our driver was pretty great, because he knew about a billion facts and should probably be on Jeopardy. For dinner we had Cheesecake Factory (everything for everyone on their 50 page menu!). Shaun and I had to leave at 5:30 am, but I think we were ready to go especially because we were headed to Avalon NJ for the weekend. SF was okay, but I thought I would like it more. As Mark Twain said, "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco."

I still want to move to San Diego and retire in Big Sur/Carmel. Oh, and I want to live at a vineyard in Napa somewhere along the way. Meanwhile I'm sweating in 90 degree Jersey friggin' City with strep throat. As Biggie once said, I'm going, going back, back to Cali, Cali. Now, Now please?

FML is right.

I get to see this everyday now at my subway stop since the L/VW merged..... as if I don't already think "Eff my life" everytime I ride the subway, with the rats and personal space invasion, and wild mouse stop and go roller coaster ride. Seriously, FML. I love you NYC, OMG WTF.

How To... Be A Happy Buddha

For the past three days, I attended lectures by the Dalai Lama at Radio City: teachings on Nagarjuna's Commentary on Bodhicitta and A Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life by Shantideva. I didn't know what to expect, but I was thinking I would learn the secret of life and something new that would help me rise above the cubicle, New York crowds, petty problems, and selfish people. I was hoping it wouldn't be totally over my head. The first day, I got there at 8:30AM, and the first lecture lasted until 11:30, then the next one was from 1:30-3:30. I kept nodding off, and I was so tired and relaxed with the red and yellow warm colors, the Tibetan music and voices, and this echo chanting sound that resonates through Radio City. People were bowing and crying, and I felt sort of out of place, but fairly zen.

Richard Gere was there, and I kept hoping Julia Roberts in hooker garb would come onstage and entertain us. My mind kept wondering, and the Dalai Lama mentioned "Delhi" and all I could think of was what kind of sandwich I would order. He was a funny little man, wearing a visor which looked like a Red Sox hat. He kept laughing. Sometimes I couldn't understand his English, but he had a translator he used more often in Days 2 and 3. However, he would go on and on and on in Tibetan for many minutes at a time, which was the perfect opportunity to cat nap. It was very hard to stay conscious. His voice was deep and lulling, like Saruman the White, from Lord of the Rings, only the opposite of evil. He reminded me of Yoda. It was uncanny. He really was a happy Buddha. At the end of each day, he walked to the end of the stage and kind of waved at everyone and said "Hi." Then he shooed us away for lunch.

On the second day, I took notes to stay awake and I also drank coffee before the first session which helped. He talked about striving to feel and realize the self, which is emptiness, but not nothingness. There's a difference, because emptiness is part of life and the ultimate reality. We exist in dependence on the physical and mental aspects of ourselves, but when we die, the soul or emptiness continues. We're supposed to meditate to learn to tap into that emptiness, because it's the true peace.

Ignorance is the cause of suffering, because reality is distorted without the wisdom of karma and emptiness. Once these are understood, we're able to support and protect other people with compassion and kindness. We become more honest, and we're able to trust and respect. Afflictions, such as attachment to people or things, anger, and fear become less solid but will always be there, because is it part of life, the result of many conditions. We're supposed to recognize the destructive nature of hatred, rage, and greed (deadly sins) and not let them reign, by practicing patience and looking at the big picture which reminds us that these feelings are temporary and irrelevant, even an illusion because emotions d0 not exist independently. We have to guard our minds against these things every second.

The Evils: Attachment, Aversion, Ignorance

The Antidotes: Solitude, Patience, Wisdom

It's very mundane to base happiness on receiving praise, success, or money, while our enemies suffer. Or if our enemies succeed, we feel dissatisfied. This cycle destroys peace of mind. We need to be happy despite circumstances. Even if we can't feel compassion for someone, we at least shouldn't feel anger because it only destroys us. Be grateful to enemies, because they give us a chance to practice patience and resilience. There are many more causes for suffering than causes for happiness, but we still have to hope for the best, while preparing for the worst. Difficulties make us wiser and stronger and closer to the ultimate reality (lucid, undefiled mind/soul). Suffering becomes easier and through suffering, our arrogance goes away and is replaced with joy.

If there is a remedy, there is no need for frustration.

If there is no remedy, there is no need for frustration.

Day 3 was the best, because he applied the more abstract teachings to daily life. He said that any religion is only effective in relation to an individual's spiritual inclinations and mental disposition, justifying the existence of all world religions and beliefs. He said it's important to experiment, question, and learn until you understand what is best for you. This is something I never heard in church, which is the reason I stopped going. The Dalai Lama basically says it's okay to be a Doubting Thomas. It's not about literal translations or one religion being the right one, or the best one. It's about finding beliefs that are suitable to you by relying on your own criteria and reasoning. This seems far more advanced and wise than the belief system I was taught, in which you go to hell if you aren't Christian... The roads to hell are paved with the remains of those who thought they were right.

If we have confidence that we can achieve the highest state of being and make an effort, we will find the strength to do it. Specifically, the best daily practice is to eat a light vegetarian dinner at 7, go to bed at 10, and wake up early to meditate, which is focusing on the simple present without a thought about the past or future. The present is uncontrived. You can start with a mental image of a light or point on the body and then try to reflect on the deeper emptiness of the mind. Sounds easy enough to me.

Donnie Trump's New Resident...

I've been meaning to update for weeks and weeks now, but alas, they blocked blogspot at work. Anyway, life is suddenly completely different. I got accepted to George Mason and Johns Hopkins. I decided against Hopkins because it's an MA, not MFA, so I would still need to also get an MFA or PhD afterward to teach at a college level. The MFA is terminal, so I get that in two years, and I'm set. I went to visit Mason, and I don't know, I just wasn't feeling it. It was small, there was one coffee shop open, I would need a car, the traffic in Fairfax, Va was pretty horrendous, and I was probably comparing it to the glorious diploma factory that is Penn State. I applied to 7 schools, and basically had two choices in the end. Go to Mason, or defer and re-apply next year. So then I got back to Hoboken on Sunday, and packed everything I own and moved to Jersey City on Friday. It seems my decision is made. I'm staying here until further notice. I moved in with Shaun. It reminds me of that Friends episode where Chandler moves in with Monica, and she kind of dramatically cries, "And I have to live with a boy!" So far I live alone actually, because Shaun had to throw everything in here Friday then go back to Philly then to NH til tonight but then I will actually be living with a boy for the first time since I was 6.

Friday, the Beverly Hillbillies moved out of Philly, out of Hoboken, and into Trump Plaza, Jersey City. Not even joking, we used a 1950's pick-up truck too. These people probably never saw anyone move themselves in without a moving company. We got lots of sneers and sniffs. Shaun had so much stuff that he filled the moving truck, so our plan to load my stuff in the same truck and then move in at the same time failed. We had to move him in, which took until 4, and we weren't supposed to move after 3:30 because Trump doesn't want to disturb the residents. Then we went back to Hoboken, loaded all of my stuff, and drove back to Trump. We had a truck load of stuff, hadn't eaten all day, and they told us we couldn't move until Monday.... I freaked out, and we didn't listen. Four of us loaded the pick up truck, drove up through the parking deck to our floor, and very quickly unloaded into the apartment. It was like a heist, and we should've worn black, masks, and gloves. We made two trips and actually got it all in. Then it was like 9pm, and we finally ate dinner. I spent the the entire day yesterday unpacking the mountains of boxes alone. It was fine though, because at least there was no one for me to boss around. I have OCD, and an insane drive to get things done immediately. I'm making a conscious effort not to make Shaun move the furniture, finish unpacking his stuff, take out the recycling, order the couch, and fix things as soon as he walks in tonight. Friday my mom is coming from Seattle (not just for me), and she's going to help me clean my old room in Hoboken and finish settling in here. I feel much more relaxed living here. It's nice not to have to be polite or walk on eggshells around anyone. It's just our apartment, where we live, not communal living. It's an interesting feeling, because I almost feel grown up or more settled. I don't have to wake up at 1am to a roommate stomping around or worry that I'm bothering someone if my music is on or I want to watch a movie in the living room or cook something. I can just do whatever I want in my underwear, even. I highly recommend this if you currently live with roommates.

I don't have any friends that live in JC, but it's a 5 minute light rail ride to Hoboken. I need to explore the neighborhood, because I don't even know where the grocery store is or the train to work. We also have a pool, grotto and gym which I haven't used yet, but that will be good incentive for everyone to visit I hope. It's basically like living in a hotel. And no, we're not selling crack. We're just in the right place at the right time. Shaun rented his condo out finally for a year, and his friend that owns this apartment said it was open and gave us a good deal. I'm saving money actually from what I was paying in Hoboken, only it's a billion times better. What's weird though is that the washing machine is European and I'm the queen of laundry, and I had to Google how to operate it. I'm guessing most people in this building have maids, so they don't complain. I'm sure I'll be lumped in that category of "Rich Snobby Ungrateful Pain in the Ass" and Shaun will be "Arrogant Jerk Coke Dealing Yuppie Wall Street Baller." This should be a fun year.

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