The Awkward Unveiling of the Bentley SUV

I had the most sarcastic & incredible night that warranted a blog post. What's terrible is that I went to Europe this summer and I still never blogged about it, but tonight happened and I wanted to blog immediately - even after three champagnes. Or because of three champagnes potentially.

I got invited to an Exclusive Unveiling of the New Bentley Bentayga, which is a Bentley SUV. I think Bentayga is a weird name that is spelled too literally. But no one asked me.

When I pictured this event, I pictured men in ties. Women in heels. I got home from work and was rushed out the door in flip flops. Shaun ensured me that it didn't matter. That no one cared. That the richest person in the room would be the most unassuming, wearing a baseball cap and sneakers. We were to pretend that we were the richest men in Babylon.

We rolled up to the Valet in our (Dierks) Bentley Ram truck and our flip flops and proceeded to the red carpet. I'm not exaggerating. I know this is a sarcastic blog, but there was a red carpet. I got a diamond bracelet at the door. I hope it's fake. Proceed to bar, order Champagne for free.

Shaun left me alone for 30 seconds while he got sushi, and someone accused me of live Tweeting their conversation. Because they are just that interesting. I put my phone down and scanned the room only to see women in gowns - GOWNS. On a Tuesday. One had sunglasses on. AT NIGHT. Cue a second glass of champagne and try to shuffle flip flops under the satin tablecloth. Eat more cheese.

After the second glass, I realized I only had a $5 bill and tipped the bartender with the whole damn thing. Ballin. I figure it was the best way to over-compensate for my flip flops, which, by the way, are not fancy flip flops. They are the same ones I hiked around Europe in and wore into the ocean (it was rocky.) They stink.

After the second glass, I also stopped caring (as much) and strolled past the men hand-rolling cigars for guests and into the lot of Aston Martins and Lamborghinis without reservation. I tried to make myself feel better by comparing myself to others. "I'm better off than the girl who dropped a shrimp into her cleavage and can't find it." "I'm better off than the woman with the incredibly messy hair who thinks the messy hair look is in" and "I'm better off than the man in the neck brace" etc. etc.

Finally they unveiled the Bentayga - I was thinking it would be white or silver or black. No, it was copper or the color of bronzer combined with chemically peeled skin. The color of everyone there.

But the car itself was something to which we should all aspire. It was very classy and the first thing I'll buy when I have $300K of disposable income and a nicer parking garage without jagged edges. Le sigh. Actually - that's a lie. I don't care about cars even a little bit. It seems nice.


From there, it was embarrassing to get our truck back from the valet, so we pretended ours was the Maserati. We chatted about the delicious, free bottled water with the employees while we waited. Our truck pulled up and we high-tailed it out of there so fast, we forgot to tip. Oh wait, no - we couldn't tip because I gave the bartender like $20 and then had nothing left. Cue the Dierks Bentley.

I'm mostly still PO'd that they ran out of gift bags. What was in there? Probably a $90 thousand dollar watch, a signed picture of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, a coupon for the newest golf balls, a Godiva chocolate bar, and a mini bottle of Chandon Brut Classic. UGH. SO upset. All I'm left with is this diamond bracelet and my flip flops.

On Turning 30 and Other Frights and Delights

It's 11:11pm and in less than an hour, I'll be 30. I don't know - it feels weird. Maybe it's just the martinis I had tonight, but I think it's also just a weird feeling to leave behind my 20's. It was a long-ass decade. Holy man. Thinking back to when I turned 20 and thinking through college, graduation, four years in NYC, another four in San Diego, a few minute relationships and then a really long one, changing majors, career moves, cross-country moves. It's just a lot happened and I don't know if I should mourn or celebrate or both. I guess both.

They say 29 is your best year. I mean NY Mag wrote about it - plus Buzzfeed etc. It wasn't the best year for me to be honest - it was whatever but it feels sad to leave it behind and enter into THIRTY. Eww. Omg. No. What does this mean? I must make lists.

A few quick things I learned in my 20s:
1. Real friends know how to be friends when it's not convenient.
2. It's okay to change your mind about your goals - it's okay to want to travel or be a mom instead of a CMO.
3. Drinking water and not drinking vodka are both seriously necessary if you don't want wrinkles. So is sunscreen.
4. Go to the doctor. But then go get acupuncture and do yoga because drugs are probably not the answer. If you feel like you need medication to get through a work day, it's not the right work day for you.
5. Appreciate the moment because time starts speeding up after 25 and you might not get more time with your loved ones. I know it's heavy but it's important. Don't screw this one up. Prioritize.

Things I'm annoyed about: 
1. I'll never be on a 30 under 30 list. Like this SERIOUSLY bothers me. UGH.
2. I have to have kids soon - like yesterday. And I'm not ready. And I don't know if I ever will be.
3. I thought I'd be married in my 20's - and I really don't know how long this jig of eating cupcakes and doing yoga is going to last for me. I'm not looking forward to cardio and working out so I fit in a stupid dress.
4. My parents were younger than me when they had me. Terrifying.
5. It's no longer cute to be confused, hungover, whimsical, and erratic. I've now transitioned from young and restless to just plain crazy. It's like get it together or check yourself in now.

Things to look forward to in my 30's: 
1. No longer getting accused of being young and stupid, especially at work. Being 30 means you're mature and know stuff. Still a "Millennial" but now mature. This is good.
2. Probably having kids in this decade.WhoawhoaWhoa.
3. Actually having income to travel the world and not sacrificing groceries and paying bills. Kinda cool.
4. It's acceptable to stay in and watch Netflix, host wine and cheese parties, geek out on books with friends, and give advice. It's fun to give advice - and I enjoy telling kids who are about to graduate to seriously forget career and go travel. But really.
5. Botox? Gray hair? Idk what else?

Home Away from Home on Christmas

I wasn't in PA for Christmas for maybe the second time ever in life. I missed seeing everyone and keeping up the traditions we've had forever, but it was nice staying home, avoiding airports, and making new traditions.

On Christmas Eve, after I was done prepping for Christmas Day brunch (press cookies, egg bake, cinnamon buns, bourbon eggnog...), Shaun and I wandered around the Hotel del Coronado. We sat on the beach in the dark and then drove around looking at Christmas lights.

Christmas Eve at the Hotel del Coronado

Christmas morning, we Skyped with my family, had Shaun's mom and sister over for brunch - complete with cinnamon sugar bacon, Cards Against Humanity, and a yule log fire on the big screen TV. We stopped at a friend's house on Christmas night for wine and made friends with a drag queen.

Eggnog

Christmas Morning at Home

On the 26th, we spent our gift cards at the mall and had dinner with new friends downtown. On the 27th, we explored a new neighborhood and visited a new tourist attraction. All in all, a good holiday, despite a bad case of the Sunday blues today due to having to work this week.

Downtown San Diego

Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery

Why You Should Move to CA...

I'm bringing Old Faithful back to life. This blog got me through four years in New York City, before I finally achieved my only goal in life - to move to California. Now I'm going to use it to document my new CA life and try to get all of my friends and family to move out here too :)

I've been living in San Diego since the end of June, and I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing here. My new goal in life is to do a headstand in yoga (I joined a studio), win the lottery (I've played twice so far, which is 2x more times than I've played in the past), and honestly, I have no idea what else.

I still work in media, and it's pretty much exactly like my NY job, except instead of a cube with high gray walls and no natural light until after 6pm; I sit under a large vent which blasts cold air on me until after 6pm, and it's more of a large desk versus a cube. After work, I go to yoga to work on that blasted headstand and watch TV. I watch way more TV than I used to for two reasons. One, we didn't have cable last year. And two, I have nothing else to do. Well, except blog and play kickball with work on Thursdays. I'm obviously expanding my horizons if I'm playing a team sport. I'm not really the sporty type.

It's a very strange, unsettling, liberating feeling to move to a place where you know no one and your close friends and family live thousands of miles away. I can't imagine doing this alone, and this has to be good for my relationship, since Shaun and I spend every non-working hour together. Sometimes I even walk home for lunch (he works from home), so there's another hour. On the weekends, we try to do different, touristy things so we don't just watch TV. So far we've gone to the zoo, played tennis, explored new neighborhoods, wine tasted on 2-3 occasions, went on a booze cruise, drove Corvettes, and when in doubt, we go to the beach. Rough life.

Pacific Beach, while having a cocktail at a pool

I left NY because I hated the snow that smothered us last winter, I was sick of of feeling sick on the subway, and something about California captured my attention since I was a kid. It was the perfect opportunity to move, because Shaun was ready for a new job and our lease was almost over, so we just sort of did it. It was really stressful at the time but now it seems like no big deal. Overall, I'm less anxious I think, although I have a very intense fear of someone falling off my 27th floor balcony. I really miss my social circle and always having something to do, especially on the weekends. I hate missing important things, like bridal showers for my best friends who are basically all getting married this year. I even miss the homeless people in NY, who weren't even half as insane and drugged out as these San Diego bums.

But wait, this blog is supposed to convince everyone to move here! On the positive side, you won't find more perfect scenery unless you move to Bora Bora, but I heard it's really expensive there and the food is terrible. We have amazing Mexican food, and it's cheap. We have a lot of fro yo places, with toppings such as frosted animal crackers. It's 70 and sunny every single day. I don't even know why I still get weather alerts. One time it rained (drizzled) and everyone was so confused and couldn't drive an inch. I can be at the beach in less than 10 minutes (I go to Coronado which was voted the #1 beach in CA). Wine is really cheap and overall rent is less expensive than Manhattan. Plus I live here, and I need to be entertained! What more could you ask for, really? Besides maybe more friends and family in the vicinity...

La Jolla

The Golden Coast

As soon as I got to San Diego, I wanted to move there. I was afraid I would be let down, since I expected it to be the best place ever. Turns out it is... the oven that is NYC can't measure up to the 70 degree weather in SoCal. It was more of a vibe though... kind of like the Europe vibe where you just feel more excited about life and never want to go home.

We got there on a Thursday night and the downtown Gaslamp Quarter was a huge party. We stayed in the Keating Hotel, designed by the same company that makes Ferraris and Maseratis. The king size bed was one of the best feathery comfy hotel beds ever. I almost went to bed right away, instead of going out. But then I took a shower... it was open, as in see through, no door, right in the room, and had two shower heads, although this may be uncomfortable if you're not staying with your significant other. Double sinks, state of the art TV and wall radio (the first song on the radio when we turned it on was "California Gurls" by Katy Perry...93.3FM!), ipod dock in the alarm clock, espresso machine, and charger dock. Comfortable robes and slippers provided since the floors are concrete (therefore more sanitary?). Pull out closet, yoga mat, and big windows. They left desserts and spa music on the radio when they turned down the room every night. The first night Shaun, his friend and I went to a place called Tequila for some food and drinks. We were too tired to try the uber trendy club across the street.

On Friday, we got food at Richard Walkers Pancake House (giant apple pancake German thing) then went to Pacific Beach. The guys took a surf lesson and I laid around on the beach. It was great. So sunny, but not too hot. Not crowded, typical California... too cool for Least Coast. Girls still wear trucker hats though. That's so 2006. My sister and her bf arrived that night and

we went to dinner at the place connected to our hotel...nom Italian. Then we tried to go to a rooftop bar called Altitude at the top of the Marriott. But we went to the wrong Marriott and when we finally got to the real Marriott by PETCO Park... the line was long and Shaun said the crowd looked lame. Ha! So snotty! So we went to the lounge at the bottom of our hotel... basement lounge, trying to be hip and exclusive. We got in for free since we were hotel guests, but the drinks were way too expensive even compared to NYC and once again, the crowd was beat, according to Shaun. We danced a little after getting kicked out of the empty VIP section for wanting to sit rather than buy bottles...we made the lounge look cooler by actually sitting in the empty section, but whatever.

Saturday...what the heck did we do Saturday? OH! We piled 6 people into the rental Civic and went to the Hotel del Coronado, National Historic Landmark. I was excited for this because I'm a fan of the movie, Some Like It Hot, with Marilyn Monroe. In the movie, the hotel is known as "FLORIDA!" where she goes to look for millionaires with yachts who wear glasses..."Men who wear glasses are so much more gentle, and sweet, and helpless. Haven't you ever noticed it?..They get those weak eyes from reading - you know, those long tiny little columns in the Wall Street Journal." We mostly hung out at the hotel beach and bar/deck.

That night we pregamed in robes (well, I did) and then went to Quality Social for dinner and drinks. Afterward we finally waited in that dumb line for Altitude. I got a water when we got in...the views were great though, there was a trendy fire pit, and lots of trendy people and we actually got a table in the VIP section and didn't have to buy anything, although Susan sat in a puddle of water and looked like she had dirty pee pants. hahaha

Sunday was the 4th of July and it was cold and cloudy. Susan and Dave went to the zoo, but I was hoping it would get sunny and the rest of us went to La Jolla. As soon as we got out of the car, we got back in. It was just too cold to beach. We shopped at the outlets and got taquitos at Rubio's... the better West Coast Taco Bell apparently. Then we moseyed back to the hotel and went to the Strip Club for dinner. There were old school pin up girls on the wall, but no strippers, just strip steaks for $10 that you grill yourself during happy hour. Kind of amazing even though I don't like steak. I had a $5 martini instead. That night we all piled into the car and went to Shaun's friend's house party in Pacific Beach (PB if you're a local). I was cranky because I missed most of the fireworks waiting around for everyone to get ready. The house was frat-like and there was a sedated pit bull in the corner and people talking about Molly... HOWEVER they had a DJ and he was spinning and mixing and smokin a bong at the same time! They also had a view of the bay from their frat house in the hills with a pool and hot tub. Susan fell asleep on a lawn chair so we went home before the E arrived. Good call!

The 5th was our last morning in San Diego, sad face. We got a rental and Shaun drove us to Santa Barbara. Lots of traffic and I had to take Dramamine from the stop and go, so I fell asleep for a long time. In Santa B, we had dinner with Susan's friend at an Italian Place in the little downtown area. There wasn't much going on near our crappy hotel, so Shaun and I took a walk to the pier and had a drink as pretty much the only people in the restaurant.

Tuesday was a good drive, through the prettiest part of the country I've ever seen. I did the drive up Highway 1 when I was about 12, and I remembered wanting to move to Northern California, Big Sur and Carmel. It's still where I'd like to end up when I'm retired (not much to do job-wise). We stopped and took pictures along the way, attempted to go to Hearst Castle, but the wait was long, so instead we had lunch and hiked down a cliff to the ocean. I didn't think I could do it, especially in a dress but I did and only had a small battle wound from when Susan gave me some "help" getting onto a boulder and boosted a little too much. We had dinner in Carmel and walked around the cottages and beach, then did the 17 mile drive and stalked mansions and seals.

Hours later we got to San Fran. It was more city than I expected, basically like NYC, so I didn't really like it upon arrival. We stayed at the Crescent, a newish boutique hotel. I'm not sure if I wasn't impressed because I came from The Keating... or if it was truly sub-par. The room was clean but small. I really think the building is haunted. Not just because it's really old and refurbished and the hallways are pitch black and creak... I swear I heard someone open the bathroom door when I was in the shower and Shaun woke up in the middle of the night and thought the room was filled with smoke. WTF.

The room was meh, but the staff was bad. If you're in the hospitality industry, I'm fairly certain you're supposed to be hospitable. When I first walked into the lobby, the people at the desk looked at me like I was lost. We asked them to book us a trip to Napa as they said they could via email, and we had to remind them the next day. No one had confirmed. When we still didn't hear from them, we went to the desk. The manager was there alone, and had no idea what we were talking about or how they book tours. I asked if I could call myself and pointed to the brochure on his desk, and he said sure... I gave him a look like, really? You're going to let a guest make their own reservations? So he called while we stood there and waited. Lamesauce. When we walked upstairs (because the elevator was broken), we found that our room hadn't been made up... it was at least 6pm. Isn't that the worst when you expect a fresh made bed? Sheesh! We had to call the desk once again and they sent someone up and made another excuse about being understaffed. Perhaps they could hire some of the unemployed who loaf around on the sidewalks outside their doors?

Wednesday Shaun made me have a gross Irish chicken sandwich for breakfast, because he wanted to watch the World Cup and we didn't know where to go. I had a screwdriver to make up for it and then got cupcakes for everyone. We went to the Ferry Building and Fishermans Wharf and took a boat tour around Alcatraz, but didn't get to go there because it was booked. Shaun and I had dinner at Level III, this fancy hotel restaurant and Zillow'd how much houses cost in Malibu and Carmel (too much). But San Diego is affordable!!

Our last day on the Golden Coast was spent in Napa. We took a bus tour and it was actually hot outside for the first time since we arrived in CA. We went to three wineries. The best was Madonna Estate, second oldest in Napa Valley... we ordered 6 bottles. We'll have to go to lots of BYO places I guess. We also went to Sutter Home. They invented White Zinfandel by accident back in the day. Our driver was pretty great, because he knew about a billion facts and should probably be on Jeopardy. For dinner we had Cheesecake Factory (everything for everyone on their 50 page menu!). Shaun and I had to leave at 5:30 am, but I think we were ready to go especially because we were headed to Avalon NJ for the weekend. SF was okay, but I thought I would like it more. As Mark Twain said, "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco."

I still want to move to San Diego and retire in Big Sur/Carmel. Oh, and I want to live at a vineyard in Napa somewhere along the way. Meanwhile I'm sweating in 90 degree Jersey friggin' City with strep throat. As Biggie once said, I'm going, going back, back to Cali, Cali. Now, Now please?